are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize