I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
All the doctor said was why
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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