I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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