I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
