even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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