Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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