First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
