you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
