if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize