Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
do herpes really smell.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize