There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
