i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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