did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
