Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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