I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
