he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
