i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
