i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Less talking, more tequila
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
