we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
