I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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