I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
