nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
