I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
