So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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