my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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