take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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