Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
