also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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