i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
