I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
