what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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