Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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