I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
