I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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