I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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