There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
