Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Congratulations! We have a period
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize