Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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