u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
