There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
