Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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