I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
