if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
