My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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