Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
