Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
