The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
