Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
