Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize