he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
