so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
