Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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