Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
