I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
bring money and cleavage
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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