Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
