i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize