Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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