Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
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