i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
