I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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