if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
