4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
tonight lets celebrate not being married
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
