There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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