i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
