I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
