Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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