I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
