If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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