Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
