So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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