Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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