dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
