im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
