Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
