I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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