I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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