Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
