nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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