Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
