VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
