Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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