maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
