Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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