yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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