Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
