even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Holy shit dude........stairs
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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