In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
