Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
