its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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