I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
