He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
