i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
