I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
