hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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