why didn't you poke me back
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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