Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You're completely useless in the revolution.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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